shello. I decided to join the Wordpress world! When first I started blogging in 2008, I signed up on blogger (then it was blogspot)..I only updated it maybe 4 times since I started it, but I went back tonight and read my first post. It was about one of my favorite things to write about -- change. As I looked back on it, I remember the exact time period in my life that this was. It was the fall of my freshman year of college.. I had just moved to UC Davis to begin college away from home, away from all my friends, and I was on a simple search.. for sheer happiness & new experiences. The funny thing is that I couldn't have been more excited to get out of my bubble. However, change has always been the most dreaded of topics for me. I'm not good with it at all. I still complain about the fact that Nickelodeon's 90's lineup is gone and the fact that none of my middle school friends care to reminisce with me about our old times. I live for memories and the past.
Anyways, fast forward 3 years later and as of now I'm in my last year at Davis -- actually my last quarter here. I can't even begin to fathom how fast the time has flown by and that I'm literally DONE with college in 2 months. Wow. As I look back at this first post, I smile. A sly smile... knowing inside how great it feels to have come full circle with this change thing. Everything I wrote about still applies in some ways or another, but those answers I was searching for have surfaced their way into my life. The things I needed to let go of -- I finally realize how vital it was for me to really release all grasp of. To finally welcome change as a positive thing and not get so stuck on the past & let nostalgia get the best of me.
One of the biggest life lessons I have learned is that happiness, joy, and contentment cannot be found in situational factors such as moments, memories, friendships, or people (to be broad)... None of that lasts or satisfies permanently. Sure, the high of it is great and I'll be honest with you, it really does feel like it will last forever. But when it fades, it's almost like the worst come-down ever. It's funny, I look back on this post and I'm just in awe. Mostly at God's sense of humor. He really wasn't going to give up on trying to teach me this lesson until I fully got it.
And wow, three years later, and it's all coming full circle. I finally realize what it means to let go of own desire for control and let life run its course. This poem puts it so perfectly:
"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up.
To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free" (Author unknown)
Moral of the story -- it's just so awesome to look back on your own personal growth after time has passed and see how shifts in your mindset and views can come with maturity and the life experiences you have. It's such a gift to be walking out of the college world in a few months and have this paradigm shift.
I actually KNOW who I’m called to be and I’m on the road to find what makes me come alive– not stopping for anything short of amazing & God-breathed. Wow, I'm finally feeling free. So I welcome you in on this journey. Prelude to my life: check.