#sfdigs

I think it's safe to say it's finally time for an update from the Tiger's Den. (Yes, I named my apartment -- because, why not?). It's been almost six months now and the details are all slowly coming together. There's still a lot I want to add to fine-tune my vision, but lets be real, this get expensive! The great thing is that I was able to find a lot of my accent pieces from Target (Nate Berkus collection for the win!). Everything else is things I had from home or from when I was in college. I think the only thing I splurged on was my Anthropologie comforter.  Other than that, my accent wall is in still in progress but I'm so pleased with the first four pieces that came together. Not to mention the people some of them came from!

Flower print taken by one of my biggest inspirations, Delbarr Moradi //"Let's Stay Home" off Etsy -- probably my favorite piece in my room so far. Describes me to the T  // (Thank you, Elms, for the find).

Breaking Bad vintage wall art from Vietnam via my soul sister

#BrBa - Series Finale: Felina

It's over. 62 episodes later and we've finally come full circle. Last night was the epic series finale of Breaking Bad and I was beyond pleased with this hour of television. So freaking good. I'm still giddy as I write it because I can't believe how epic it was, as well as how well Vince Gilligan was able to tie up so many lose ends. The photos above are from my finale party last night because there honestly was no other way to finish this show than going all out to celebrate.

It's truly a talent to be able to do so within an hour time limit. I've finished so many series over the years and at the end kept asking, "But what about ____ or this detail.." And you're kind of left hanging. Honestly, I have no lingering questions after watching last night's finale. I think the only thing I might still remotely have questions about (which is something I've been wondering about all throughout season 5), has been Jesse's parents and brother. I found it a bit weird that they were introduced and then completely disappeared, but hey. I can't complain. That's only a slight issue that doesn't even matter in the long run.

Anyways, tangent. Back to "Felina" -- wow. It's so funny because I was so prepared to be depressed after the episode. I was ready for a shocking ending and a time of reflecting on how crazy things got and how everything fell apart. Not so in this finale. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I honestly felt like I was watching a movie the whole time. My favorite part of all of it was seeing how good Walt's spirits were throughout the whole thing.

I had gotten used to seeing this defeatist Walt the last two- three episodes and I was beginning to lose hope. It wasn't until the last 2 minutes of Granite State last week that I was like ok wow thank God -- he's back.

I think me along with everyone else assumed that after seeing Elliot and Gretchen on Charlie Rose that he was on his way to kill them. Which I was actually a fan of the idea last week. It wasn't until seeing the route Vince went that I was like wow -- even better. What better way to make sure that Walt Jr. gets the money. It's genius. It saddens me a lot that he'll never know it was from his dad but I loved that at that point you actually see that Walt's ego and pride aren't in the forefront anymore. It's quite humble actually. He's allowing his son to go along thinking that his ex-partners (whom he probably hates) are the ones giving him a lifetime trust fund.

And that's honestly the theme I found throughout this entire episode... Walt trying to redeem himself. Or at least die with some dignity. The scene with Skyler and him was so so so great. I was so happy she let him in and allowed him 5 minutes to talk. And FINALLY we get some honesty out of Walt. That reveal was like a breath of fresh air for me. He did it for himself. He was good at it. It felt good. And then to give Skyler the coordinates to the bodies... I think that will give Marie the closure she needs to continue her life as well.

Side note -- I was also really happy that Walt told her exactly what happened with the nazi gang killing Hank. I know at the end of the day it was Walt's fault that Hank died, but I didn't want his family to go on thinking that Walt was the one who physically killed him. After all, he was BEGGING Jack to spare his life! Not like that will help at this point but I really wanted some closure in that aspect and I'm so happy he revealed it to Skyler.

The one scene I actually teared up at was watching Walt with Holly. First off, the grace that Skyler has to have for a man who has ruined her family's life and then to let him see her.... Wow. It was so deep. And watching him look at her for the very last time. He knew it. It was all to say a proper goodbye. And then watching Walt Jr. through the glass windows... Gut wrenching. I think it's safe to conclude 100% that this man's love for his family was indeed genuine. He just let his ego and selfish desire get in the way and completely tear them apart.

Another thing I loved about this episode was the two flashbacks we got. It really brought the series full circle for me. That short snippet of how it all began -- with a simple joke from Hank inviting Walt over for a ride-along: "You need some excitement in your life" -- ha! Oh how things turned out. Then cut to Walt standing alone in his deserted home. Perfection.

In regards to Walt's plan of action with Lydia and the neo-nazi gang... It was amazing to say the least. I honestly felt like I was watching a movie. The ricin in the Stevia was genius (which is funny because that was the theory I was rooting for all along) and then that machine gun contraption... HOLY MOLY. Yes. That was CRAZY.

Ok I've calmed down now. That whole scene in the clubhouse with Jack and his crew was gold. I was standing on my feet the entire scene with my heart literally pounding.

I think the best part of all of it was that Walt had originally gone in with the mindset of killing all of them -- and even more raging because at this point he's under the impression that Jesse is cooking with Jack as well. [Side note, the Badger/ Skinny Pete cameo was the perfect way to pay homage to these two before the end]. Anyways, I think Walt at that point was so angry to hear this that his one mission was to wipe them all out.

That reveal with Jack bringing Jesse in -- and caring SO much to prove to Walt that he would never partner with a "rat" was perfect.

I think for me the final 5-10 minutes were the best part. Of course. First off, the look in Walt's eyes when he sees how they've treated Jesse for the last 5-6 months. You can totally see the look of a concerned, compassionate father-fugure. The act of literally jumping in front of a bullet for him and tackling him to the ground to save his life was the ultimate act of redemption for Walt in my opinion. It was so poetic. And then Jesse getting the chance to kill Todd. YES. Thank you Vince for giving Jesse at least that. He deserved that.

We all know Jesse isn't a killer. He has too much of his morality in tact (which we see even from his inability to kill Walt for the second time around). But with Todd, it was necessary. This guy who has tortured him for months on end and killed Drew Sharpe (which made a huge impact on Jesse) -- he had to go.

Another point I loved was Walt's final interactions with Jack. The fact that he didn't even flinch to think twice about questioning where his money was. No, at that point Walt didn't even give a crap about it. The money ruined his life. The money fueled his selfish Heisenberg- ego. He was there to kill Jack and he did it. Mission complete.

In my head, I was hoping for a reconciliation between Walt and Jesse. I was expecting Jesse to thank him for saving his life or just some more dialogue between them. But honestly, Jesse is forever changed because of Walt. He's been so mentally messed up even in the months being a slave for Todd that I think it was asking too much. I was satisfied though with the head nod exchange between the two. That gave me the closure I needed. After all, the last time they spoke was when Walt gave him up to Jack's crew & told him about watching Jane die. So we really can't expect a big finale hug and them riding off into the wind together (although I wish). Haha.

That was perfect though. Jesse got his freedom. Walt saved his life and ultimately was able to die with some redeeming quality, as well as with the closure in knowing his family would be forever safe and that he killed everyone who needed to be killed. It was perfect. It reminded me of a Shakespearian tragedy to be honest. Such an amazing hour of television.

And wow -- that final scene. The master left alone with his "art." Seeing Walt die in the lab, reminiscing about his cooking days with that song playing in the background was perfect. Not only that but I loved how it wasn't a "crazy" death like his cancer eating away at him or some insane shoot out, but it was simply 1 bullet wound that slowly took his life. He knew it was coming and he was able to spend his last moments exactly how he wanted.

And who knows, I think his reputation stayed in tact as well because the cops found him in that lab. So maybe he will always be known as Heisenberg. Which is where his pride and joy was because he WAS truly an artist with his cooking.

And in the end, it was the only way to complete the show with Walt dying. It was perfect. I couldn't be happier and I thank you Vince Gilligan for closing every lingering story line and not leaving anything up for interpretation. It was so crisp & clear. So full circle. My life is honestly forever changed by this show. I feel lucky to have been able to catch it while it was airing live.

Thanks for a wild ride, BrBa. I love you forever <3

#BrBa Season 5B, Episode 7: Granite State

Final stretch. There is now only one hour left of our story. Watching the penultimate episode Sunday night I was just as sad as I was last week after Ozymandias. Okay, I take it back, nothing could make me as sad as that golden hour of television, but still. It was dark. I keep thinking back to every other season of this show and in awe of how fun and light-hearted the show was until season 5 came along. Not light-hearted in the sense that it was like a fun sitcom, but in the sense that it was simply two protagonists, fighting the "bad guys" for a supposed "good cause." The battles against Tuco, Gus, & the mute twin brothers (lol) were all exciting to us. It's almost like life was on pause and there was no speculation of wait a minute -- what if everything hits the fan and these guys get caught. I feel like my mentality was "if" they get caught, when it should have been.. "WHEN" they get caught.

And I think that's why season 5 has been so amazing is because while there isn't as much dialogue, it's probably the most real season of the show. It forces us to remember that Vince Gilligan wasn't going for the fantasy hero/anti-hero back and forth saga, but instead, showing us the consequences of our actions.

At this point, things look pretty grim. The only thing I'm holding onto is the faith I have in Vince to give us a happy satisfying ending. Which I'm sure he will. After all, he's proven to be a creative genius with this show. And that's putting it lightly.

What do I want? I've been going crazy past 24 hours reading different blogs, in hopes of some mind-blowing theories as to what the final hour may hold, but of course, nothing satisfies me. Walt on the phone with Walt Jr. ripped my heart apart. Why Jr, WHYY. Forgive him. Give him another chance. [and then as I type this I'm thinking, are you crazy? Why in the world would he forgive his father who is a meth king who got his brother in law killed and now calling just to send over some blood money to his son while he's been MIA for months?!].

^ this above inner conflict is why I LOVE this show so much. I think that inner turmoil is something all of the viewers are dealing with. We're rooting for this criminal because we sympathize with him. Not stopping to think how many lives have been ruined as a result (see my last post). But hey, I've come to terms with it, and I'm fine with it. I'm rooting for Walt. Even if it means dying to cancer at the end of all this.... I still want him to get his revenge on the nazi mafia and at least redeem himself in SOME way.

After watching that last scene with the Gray Matter folks I was fueled with rage for Walt. I'm rooting for him. I want him to prove them wrong or just somehow get it out of his system (whatever is needs to be), in order to move on from all this. After all, I think this was the initial boiling point that set Walt over the edge in the first place. Realizing he was never going to be the millionaire that Elliot became. Realizing he missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime. Mix that with a HUGE ego and pride and you're left with something with a whole lot of anger inside. And looks like he's about to let loose in the finale.

I'm hoping for action, but also more than anything I really want more dialogue. I think a lot of things, specifically relationships, need closure, & the only way that'll satisfy viewers is through some conversation. Even though Walt's phone call to Jr. was heart breaking, it still left me satisfied to see that they actually had a chance to talk. I think it's safe to say that the family is dunzo.

What am I hoping most for? Walt and Jesse to reunite in some way (and put their hatred for each other aside), and take out these idiots. That would be my ideal ending. I think I've become to attached to this pseudo father-son relationship that I want to see it through. Especially now that Walt's role as Jr's father is completely up in flames.

The most depressing part of this whole series, and specifically this episode, was the reality in the realization that yes, that was all for nothing. As I watched Walt's solitary scenes in the log cabin, all I could think was wow what has this guy's life come to. Literally, he's in solitary confinement. Without any updates from the outside world, he's completely out of the loop on EVERYTHING. I don't even know how he lasted more than a week, that sounds like torture to me. And while spending his time there I think he finally realized too that yes this was all for nothing. The family doesn't even want his money at this point. And he's losing more and more of it as time goes on. More than 90% was stolen & he was left with a barrel. He couldn't even carry that out with him so he stuffs a mere 100K into a box and hopes it'll redeem him. And then comes to find out his family could care less about it. His son literally yells, "why don't you just die already?" -- AH.

He leaves the bar in NH with nothing. He left almost a million (more?) dollars in the lonesome cabin and went on his way for vengeance. It just goes to show how disposal money is in the long run, when it actually RULES people's lives. We forget about the invaluable things in life and the money truly blinds us. I keep thinking... I wonder if Walt has realized had he just spent his last few years spending quality time with his family, that would have been more worth it than all the money in the world. Instead, his entire family is broken. His wife cheated on him, stayed silent through his drug empire days, laundered his money, kept this secret from her entire family, and grew to hate him. That my friends is the anatomy of a breakdown. It's so sad. I think the hardest scene for me to watch was when Walt asked vacuum cleaner repair Man to stay a little longer. And then offered him $10K for his time. That scene crushed me. The fact that he's willing to pay.. Literally not think twice.. And throw that much money at sometime simply to stay and converse with him. He's empty. He's lonely. He has no one. It truly broke my heart.

I think at this point the only thing that would satisfy Walt himself would be revenge on the mafia and then to die. I've read a lot of theories on how the ricin is actually to poison himself. Not sure about that, but it would definitely be plausible at this point. I guess I just personally hope he does something that lets him die with a hint of honor or dignity -- if that's even possible.

The only thing that gave me a shred of excitement was watching how quickly he changed from the hopeless guy who wanted to turn himself in (by leaving the phone off the latch so it would be traced), to the guy who realized he needs to be Heisenberg one last time and do what he's gotta do. What that is? We shall see Sunday. But I'm hopeful. In some crazy way.

But as depressing as all this has been, I'm so happy with how the show has progressed thus far because its never strayed from reality. This was bound to happen. There was no way that Walt would go unseen and that they would magically stop cooking and everyone would forget about him. Lets not forget how many people have gotten involved in this venture and how many people still WANT them to cook. Madrigal and the mafia are a whole other story. They're ruthless. They could care less about what Walt wants. Sure Todd respects Walt & Jesse to an extent, but lets be real, he's a sociopath. Need proof? Killing Andrea in front of Jesse. (God, why?!)

So in conclusion, they'll stop at nothing. Jesse has realized his life is ruined. I think they all have. Saul is forced to maintain a new identity too. And it's funny that he does it with such peace and calm, barely showing any anger to Walt like "look what you've done, you ruined my life" -- sure it is most likely out of fear, but I think back and I'm so shocked how crazy Saul's role has been too. They literally pulled him into their mess with no questions and no room for deliberation. And he's been along for the ride with them from the beginning. And honestly, he's helped them a LOT. And now, Saul has to pay for their mistakes too and escape for his life. Craziness.

I can honestly go on for days because each of these characters have so much depth and layers I can keep peeling back. Moving season to season it's crazy how much character development this show has had (both positive and negative. And that's my favorite aspect of any show, aside from the acting quality and graphics and actions, it's always about that for me. Development & the realism. Which this show ACES. Thank you writers for this gem.

Enough for today. I think I'm going to blog about the finale right after it airs Sunday night so look for that as well.

#BrBa Season 5B, Episode 6: Ozymandias

Things fall apart. All at once. Probably the 2 lines I could use to best describe this week's episode. Prior to watching I was beyond excited because I had read this interview with Vince Gilligan where he was saying Ozymandias is the best episode of the series he's written and overall best that there ever will be. So in my mind I was expecting something out of this world. Which is exactly what we got. But amplified 28393X.

I agree 100% that this was one of the most heart wrenching episodes of any show that I've seen on TV. It was harder to watch than some of the most intense movies I've even seen. My friend texted me before I started and said, "just remember to take a deep breath before you start watching." Um, yeah, he couldn't have been more right.

Was I satisfied? YES. More than anything I was simply jaw dropped at how quickly EVERYthing fell apart and how every character on this show is now destroyed.

Think about it. Every character we have come to know on this show has been tainted, broken bad, or crushed either physically or emotionally. We see that most evidently in Walt's immediate family... Skyler, who has been a silent accomplice from mid-series and completely lost who she is. I think that was shown most evidently in the pool scene where she walked right into it. For Walt Jr., who's always been the innocent character that has no idea what's going on, finally had the truth thrown at him. And that caused the giant rip between the family for good.

Even with minor characters that we don't think much about anymore like Badger and Skinny Pete... Their lives were completely left shaken as well after Combo was killed (direct result of being guilty by association with Jesse & Walt).

Jane, Jane's dad, everyone on the flight that exploded, Hank, Gomez, Ted Beneke, Gus, Andrea, Brock... Even Saul. The list goes on but you get the point. It's super chilling to think that an entire population of people we were introduced to in a series has all been left changed due to one person's decision. I'm not saying this is all completely Walt's fault as I know that half of these things weren't even deliberate.. But it's not the intention that matters, but simply the unavoidable consequences behind our decision-making.

I think as an audience we've been so empathetic towards Walt throughout the entire series because we know him, we feel for him, and we can place ourselves in his shoes. So we're like, "yeah Walt, get that money, you deserve to leave your family with something before you pass." But it was that kitchen scene with the knife fight that really set things straight for me. Walt has a bin of $11 million in his car and an escape plan that will give his family a completely new identity and life. They'll never have to remind themselves of this again and they can pretty much erase all of it.

But that knife scene makes it evident -- you can't escape the past. You can't undo what's already been done. Although the idea of an escape plan and new identity seems ideal, it's fantasy. All Walt ever wanted to do was provide stability for his family by doing all this. And when all is said and done, his family hates him and is disgusted by him. So much so that his own son calls the police on him. And his other pseudo-son spits in his face and rats on him with his brother in law.

Things have literally fallen apart.

One thing I really enjoyed was the exchange between Hank and Walt before Hank's death. Even though it was nothing super sentimental I love that Hank was able to see what we as an audience always knew -- that Walt truly never wanted to kill Hank. There was still that shred of love left in him. Dean Norris was actually on Talking Bad this week (the live after show) and he mentioned that he thought that for his character to see that side of Walt kind of showed a redeeming side to Walt. The fact that he was so quick to offer 80 million dollars for Hank's life & whatnot. Obviously it doesn't redeem things remotely as much as it should but still. I agree too. I was crushed to see Hank die for some reason but he went out perfectly. Again, that phone call to Marie was poetic justice.

I'm beyond worried for Jesse at this point. Homeboy looks awful. And that stupid sociopath Todd..... I'm on pins and needles as to what they're going to do with him after he finishes cooking their meth.

Ideal outcome for me? I feel like a family united on Walt's end is out of the picture at this point but for some reason I want SOME sort of a happy ending. Not happy in the sense that Walt gets all his money back or that the family forgives him because that's so unrealistic. But maybe that Walt's humanity and emotions convict him a little more and he goes after saving Jesse or something. Call me naive but I'm still rooting for that duo to somehow pull it together. [highly unlikely now after the Jane reveal, but hey, wishful thinking].

The ricin.... Okay, so we know that Walt eventually comes back from his new identity world to see his home being completely trashed and deserted. Only for the ricin. So clearly he's after someone. The only "bad guy" left in my opinion is Jack & Todd's mafia.. And Lydia.

Bill Hader's theory on Talking Bad was genius and I actually really see it as plausible. He said that he thinks Walt will use it to poison Lydia's tea. Especially because its been such a point of focus throughout all the episodes she has been in. I can totally see that happening.

I'm sure you've all seen the memes going around, highlighting the symbolism of different objects throughout this episode. The one that stuck out most to me was the chess pieces in the fire station. During a quick glance all you see is a king piece in a corner, about to check-mated. Looking closer you see it's a king piece in a corner who actually has a few moves left. That excites me and gives me hope to see what's next to come in the final two hours of this show. I have no idea why I'm still rooting for Walt. I don't even know if rooting is the right word for it. I think I just don't want to see him with everything lost. Seeing him Sunday night completely hopeless and destroyed is so unlike the Walt we know on this show so maybe it was just weird for me to see him like that. Maybe I'm still holding onto hope that he has morality left in him (which we know he does because he gave Holly back, didn't rat out Skyler on the phone while the cops were listening, and begged Jack to spare Hank's life).

So we shall see. This was a long one and I didn't even dive into things as much as I wanted to with the rest of the characters but to be honest I was literally shaken by this week's episode. I actually haven't cried once during the series yet and I was crying through the entire hour this week. It's insane how fast everything can be swept up from under your feet and I felt like this was the PERFECT illustration of that saying.

Last thought-- if Hank & Gomez are dead and no one knows where Huell is, what's going to happen to him? LOL.

#BrBa Season 5B, Episode 5

For the first time in a LONG time, my reaction after watching Breaking Bad on Sunday night was one of worry, rather than the normal hype of what an awesome cliffhanger they decide to throw at us. I was on my feet standing up during the entire last ten minutes of the show.. trying to cover my eyes out and avoid the fate of our beloved characters, while at the same time being more tuned in to the show than almost ever before. I was literally walking in circles around the living room as the final credits rolled. What. Just. Happened?!!!!

Honestly, this episode felt like a finale. And yet we still have THREE more to go! What are you doing to us Vince?! I can't take it. I feel like it's too soon to kill off any major character. I wasn't ready for that. Maybe, MAYBE in the penultimate episode (or finale), but now?! My heart.

Okay. Slowly recovering. Hence why it took me 3 days to digest and get the guts to write my thoughts on all this. It's funny because as the episode started and they threw in all this dialogue with Jesse's "mystery plan" and trying to get Gomez on board/ The Huell scenario.. I was kind of like, "okay, how are you going to tie this all up in three more hours?" Cue face palm. Why do I even doubt this show for one second?! Come the last 20 minutes and there's more going on than an entire season combined.

To me, the darkest part of this whole episode was Jesse's phone call to Walter. This is the first time in the entire series that we hear Jesse address him as "Walt" -- no longer is the respect of authority in tact (and rightly so). His tone when he was talking to him on the phone was one of the most chilling exchanges of the entire series for me. So much rage, anger, and desire for vengeance. To be honest, I was so distraught at the phone call in general that I totally bought the whole fake photo trick. Literally felt like I was Walt in that moment. The camera shots of him driving like a madman to the desert kiiiiilled me. I seriously felt his fear and panic. And then the reveal. Walt's sudden realization that his phone had been bugged. Wow.

It's crazy because throughout the whole show, Walt's been the one with a questionable (if you will) moral compass, whereas the rest of the characters remind us of ourselves with their normalcy. During this season specifically, I think the tables have all turned. Where Saul was once the comic with wit to share no matter how dark the circumstance, he's now become just like the "bad guys" -- on a spree to kill Jesse no matter what. It was WALT who had to convince him not to lay a finger on Jesse. Even when talking to Todd's Nazi-loving uncle & co. Walt was the one who had to stress the fact that "Jesse is like family." I've seen Walt's love for Jesse from the beginning.. and that's why even last episode I FULLY believed that Walt genuinely wanted to explain the whole Brock situation to him. At the end of the day, he wanted Jesse's forgiveness... if not forgiveness, at least his understanding of the situation.

I think that's why seeing Jesse with Hank hit him the hardest. For once, Heisenberg was blind-sighted. This was the last possible outcome Walt saw coming. And to be honest, I do think that it IS a little shady of Jesse.. He's known as a rat now. And he broke the one rule you don't break. As much as I love Jesse, that's one thing that continues to bother me as the show goes on. Like I said, it's so chilling to see his attitude towards Walt now. When he saw Hank handcuff him, that smirk on his face, almost a sigh of relief, was so telling. It was sad but I guess you also breathe that relief with Jesse -- it's like he's finally free. Free of this guy who has been pulling his chain for years.

And then comes the massacre. Okay. The thing that shocked me the most... after all this, after threatening Hank and going against the entire family, Walt STILL decides to call it off when he sees Hank. It's so hard to read between the lines and know what's going on in his head but I was genuinely surprised he called it off. First we see a reaction that conveyed more shock than anything we've seen all season, and then he calls it off! Not that I'm complaining, I don't want any of them to die, but it was very interesting to me.

I have no idea what to think. My guess is as good as yours for the outcome of the gun fight. Although I do think that Hank dies. That phone call to Marie just seemed way too contrived to mean anything else. Maybe I've just seen Scream too many times but I totally felt like Jamie Kennedy's character with the "rules" for scary movies (#90'sreferencesforthewin). But seriously, "I love you" / "I won't be home til later"... yeah he's a goner.

Gomez? Who cares. Nazi-clan? Who cares. And then we all know Walt makes it (1. because the Nazi's are doing their best to protect him and 2. because we've seen him in the flash forwards). And honestly, I don't even want to go there with Jesse because it hurts my heart too much, lol. He can't die. Especially not when there's three hours left. GAH.

Okay. Apologies for this post but honestly this was one episode that I didn't even want to talk about. I feel like that hour spoke for itself. There really isn't that much more to say. And even guessing around about what could happen is almost pointless. It could seriously go either way. What I will say, is that I fully trust these writers. And I believe in the message Vince is sending so I think the ending will be satisfying and real.

Revert back to the top photo from Aaron Paul himself.  God speed.

#BrBa Season 5, Episode 4: Rabid Dog

 

Apologies for being a few days late with this update. Actually more than a few days.. Forgive me, the holiday weekend threw me off. It's times like these where you realize how invested you have become in a show. I was on vacation on Sunday without cable and I was literally itching for a way to watch Rabid Dog. I was texting all my friends who had seen it, not wanting spoilers, but just wanting to know "HOW" it was. I felt like an addict going through withdrawals. And if that's wrong then I don't want to be right. Hah. Okay, onto the episode.

So believe it or not, this marked episode 4. We are now halfway through the final season. Am I the only one shocked?! 4 more to go. Look at your calendar. By the end of this month, Breaking Bad as we know it will be over. So bittersweet. As much as I'm dying to know how it will all end, I secretly want it to go on longer. It really isn't helping with all of these cliffhangers though. Like really?! I'm standing up yelling at my tv every time. My dad had to tell me to calm down last week. (Which I took very offensively. How can you ask someone that?!)

Okay so, I think it was pretty obvious what Rabid Dog was going to be about... The aftermath of Jesse's realization. I didn't think they would keep referencing the name of the episode though... Which came off as a TAD bit cheesy for me. I've been so used to each episode title being slight subtleties related something within the episode... Not something that's referenced 3-4 times. Although I did like the Old Yeller analogy in typical Saul form. I seriously think he is the most consistent character in this show. Which is not only refreshing but I think also a sense of normalcy for us as an audience when we're watching a sea of such dynamic other characters.

What did I like most about this episode? The fact that I was right. Amidst EVERYONE telling me that Walt no longer has a heart for Jesse and that he could care less -- surprise, he does care! I was so happy to see that. Call it the sensitive soul inside me or what have you, but all along my only concern with this show is the bond between these two. To be honest, at this point I could care less what "action" happens with the whole meth empire. Instead, I just want these two's relationship to be salvaged. After this episode (at least up until before the last scene in the plaza), I went back and realized that Walt's hug to Jesse in the desert was in fact real. It was a moment of comforting someone who he has manipulated more than anyone should be manipulated in a lifetime. Then even seeing him go against his own WIFE's wishes and forbidding Saul to touch him... It's clear how much he values Jesse as a son. And I'm definitely glad that Hank touched on that as well as he was talking to Jesse after filming his confession.

... On that note. My least favorite thing about this episode? Obviously the last scene in the plaza! I mean, okay sure the punk bodyguard looking guy was definitely witty/ sneaky but that was SO unlike Breaking Bad true fashion. It's never been the type of show to really pull off little mistakes like that/ mere coincidences. I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to say, but it was just frustrating. I think Jesse is smarter than that.. Just to see a guy who looks like a hit man and just assume that it's Walt's guy. Obviously after all he's been through the paranoia has crept in and he's expecting SOMETHING... But still. It was just a little too "gotcha!" Especially throwing in his cute little daughter running up to him at the end. Like, really? But then again I'm guessing this what they want.. Us to be yelling at our TV's.

Am I surprised Jesse filmed the confession with Hank? Yes and no. First off, I initially was sold on the fact that Jesse changed his mind about setting Walt's house on fire simply out of the goodness of his heart. I figured maybe the coke wore off and he stumbled upon a photo of their kids and had a change of heart. Then seeing the flashback to Hank's entry I was shocked. Yet at the same time I get it. This guy is fed up. Gassed out. Done. He obviously wants his revenge. Not even revenge but simply to bring justice to light... To a man he now calls the devil!

In my head, I do want that talk to happen. Why? Because I feel like Jesse will somehow be able to understand where Walt was coming from with the Brock thing. Too much of a reach? Maybe. That's just my opinion. My dad brought up a great point though, which was that if the talk HAD happened, the show would be over. All of Walt's conversation would have been heard by Hank since Jesse was wired. So then I'm thinking, "Ok good, we bought ourselves more time." Now Jesse's alternative plan -- who knows. This could be even worse.

And to be honest, at this point it looks like its over. There's no sign of Jesse even letting Walt near him to say or explain anything. And on the other hand, it looks like Walt is done trying to win over Jesse as well. At least that's what we THINK after seeing his call with Todd.

Me personally? I think he's calling Todd to set up a fake death for himself. Not to kill Jesse. I could be wrong but that's what I think. Especially after seeing the flash forwards (thank you LOST) in the premiere episode.

We shall see ladies and gents. Four more to go. Ill leave you with a little Easter egg for fun as well... It's interesting because the name of the series finale is titled "Felina." My first thoughts on this was a cat. Naturally. However thanks to reddit and these amazing minds.. It was broken down:

Fe: iron Li: lithium Na: sodium

AKA: Blood, Meth, & Tears.

BOOOM!

#BrBa Season 5B, Episode 3: "Confessions"

Now that we've all had a chance to digest Sunday night (Breaking Bad as well as the twerking of child star Miley Cyrus), lets look back and analyze the sheer goodness of yet another installment of Breaking Bad.

By now I'm sure we've all realized that each episode title relates directly to a major (or minor) plot point of said episode. I actually had a moment of thinking, "how obvious... 'Confessions' why don't they do something more incognito?" Little did I know. How dare I question Vince Gilligan! Where most of us thought this week would center around Jesse's confession to Hank, we were thrown for what has arguably been the best loophole of the entire series. Walt has now penned the ENTIRE series on Hank. From the drive by ride-along in the first season to the punch delivered last week -- everything has intricately fallen into place to form the perfect puzzle; in Walt's favor. It makes me wonder if this was a plan B Walt had from the beginning in case things fell apart... Or if he's simply that smart that he thought of this under pressure. I think what creeps me out most is Skyler being so passive and ok with all this. After all, just last week Walt was telling Saul that "Hank is family" and no one touches their family. Then this week -- it's clear that all he cares about now is his immediate family. Oh how things change. The scene with Hank and Marie watching the video confession was so chilling. One of the things I love most about this show is how strongly emotion is conveyed through each of these actors when words aren't spoken. The fear and shock in them both was so believable and so eerie.

Although I agree with Hank that this is just a threat, I don't doubt for a second that Walt would have any hesitation in making this go viral if it came down to it.

Moving on, the gem of the series -- Jesse. I realized yesterday that I always tend to root for/ feel for this exact type of character. I had an epiphany yesterday and realized how similar Jesse is to Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye (my favorite book). Both characters who have lost hope yet are still desperately in search for a lingering silver lining of hope to hold onto. Masking their vulnerability by anger, being stand-offish, and pretending they don't care. I desperately want to root for these characters to win and find the happiness they're seeking.

With Jesse, this episode we see that sense of hope shine through for merely a second with the news of starting fresh and moving to Alaska (random). Finally, after being pretty much mute this entire season, his face lights up with the chance to start over and put his past behind him. I thought that the scene in the desert was one of the most moving scenes in the entire series so far. From the beginning, I've loved this unique bond between Jesse & Walt, especially the father-son role that composes the entirety of their relationship. I don't think we've ever even seen the two of them hug until this episode. They've had many episodes where they seem like they're about to hug but then go for the hand shake. But all in all, this was a long time coming.

I still can't decide if I think that Walt was genuine in his embrace or if it was just like a sympathy act, kind of saying, "yeah Jesse you're right, I'm sorry it's come down to this but I would definitely have to kill you if you don't leave town." One thing I wish there was more of this season was communication. Especially in this scene I was literally yelling at my tv because I wanted them to TALK more. Just like Jesse was yelling at Walt for answers, I wanted something out of him (in addition to the hug of course). Ugh. But the hug itself spoke volumes and I think that was the biggest sigh of relief for Jesse to finally get everything out and just sob.

Too bad that moment lasted for 2 minutes. They didn't waste any time in shifting gears completely and getting into the ricin realization. I won't go into detail about how Jesse found out/ the timeline of events -- there are plenty of other blog posts outlining the details -- but what I do want to touch on is the insane 180 we see in Jesse. He literally went from catatonic to blind rage in the matter of one episode. We see him barely saying a word to Hank at his office to sheer anger as he crashes into Walt's mailbox and goes rabid dog on us with the gasoline. Spoiler alert - don't think it's an accident that next week's episode is titled "Rabid Dog."

What makes me sad is that the little amicable father/ son moment between Walt and Jesse was so short lived. I know I know, the majority HATES Walt at this point, but I don't know why I still have a glimmer of hope for him. And I want to believe that he DOES truly care about Jesse. After all, Jesse has been more of a son to him than Walt Jr. Jesse knows him in a way that Jr. will never. I guess that can be seen as a bad thing though.

I'm so nervous for what is to come. Only 5 more hours of this journey left. I'm seriously so scared that Jesse is going to get killed in the next few. Crossing my fingers that he comes out victorious. We know from the season premiere that Walt's house definitely isn't burned down. Yes, it's trashed, but definitely not burned. So what happens with this gasoline debacle?

Interesting note to add on as well... Even though Jesse knows (pretty much) at this point that Walt killed Mike, he still didn't rat him out to Hank. He even still let Walt embrace him! But now that he's found out about Brock... Is he going to run straight to Hank and take his side? Or is this all anger and there's still a sense of partnership between the two? Most blogs I've read have lost all hope for peace between the two of them but I'm just latching on until the last minute. Another thing I wonder is if Jesse will have any sense of understanding if Walt does explain the Brock situation to him, after all, it really wasn't the ricin -- it was lily of the valley.

Not sure if this show has just done a good job of manipulating me or if I'm crazy (or both) but I still justify both Jane & Brock in my head. Like I expect Jesse to understand. Both times, Walt was trying to get Jesse back. First time, he was trying to save Jesse from dying and becoming a heroin addict. Sure, Jane's threat about turning him in probably added to it, but I know for a fact Walt had so much love for Jesse and his well-being especially in season 2. So I don't doubt he was genuine there for a second.

With Brock, yes he lied to Jesse and yes he poisoned a child. It's wrong, it's immoral. But he did so knowing how much to give him so he wouldn't die and only to get Jesse back on his side (when he was clearly in the process of becoming Gus' protégé. No one wants that. So I don't know dude.... But I see the justification in both those scenarios. Even though then I look at it the other way and see Walt's selfishness in all this.

See! That's what the creators do best. We as the audience are in this moral dilemma. Rooting for the bad guy or wanting him dead. I seriously think that we all still have a shred of desire for Walt to come out on top in the end. Even though he's gone off the deep end... Maybe for me it's just hoping he can be saved and come back down to reality and redeem himself for all this.

Doesn't look like it but here's hoping. Only 5 more weeks. This is going to FLY by. What's going to happen with Todd? The Nazi uncle? Lydia? Will Hank come up with a plan? Is Jesse going to be ok??

GAH. Ok enough stress for one morning. Until next time.

-- "How about that guacamole?"