#sfdigs

I think it's safe to say it's finally time for an update from the Tiger's Den. (Yes, I named my apartment -- because, why not?). It's been almost six months now and the details are all slowly coming together. There's still a lot I want to add to fine-tune my vision, but lets be real, this get expensive! The great thing is that I was able to find a lot of my accent pieces from Target (Nate Berkus collection for the win!). Everything else is things I had from home or from when I was in college. I think the only thing I splurged on was my Anthropologie comforter.  Other than that, my accent wall is in still in progress but I'm so pleased with the first four pieces that came together. Not to mention the people some of them came from!

Flower print taken by one of my biggest inspirations, Delbarr Moradi //"Let's Stay Home" off Etsy -- probably my favorite piece in my room so far. Describes me to the T  // (Thank you, Elms, for the find).

Breaking Bad vintage wall art from Vietnam via my soul sister

#speakup

I think it's good to sometimes take a breather from the day to day and focus on the little things that make us happy. I've been thinking a lot lately about how consumerism has had such a hand in changing the socioeconomic status of our present day and age. There seems to be no work/life balance at the office — instead, it's looked down upon if you want to leave work early to go spend time your family. We're forced into this bubble of conforming to what's considered the "norm" and we stay silent and simply, "go with the flow." Why? It weirds me out that we're so often too timid to question the societal norms that are already in place. We justify it by seeing that everyone else is going along with it and no one's complaining so hey, looks like we're all on board. When in reality how many people are actually feeling the same way I do inside but no one's bold enough to voice it? Not sure where I'm going with this but woke up this morning with a deep frustration for the intimidation/ fear traps we box ourselves into.

Cool segway into the new music I'm listening to because ironically enough, the album I'm most excited about this fall is M.I.A.'s "Mathangi." Call her what you will (and I do admit she can go way over the top sometimes), but one reason I respect this artist SO much is that she isn't afraid to speak her mind. In the midst of a media culture that's entrapped in the "twerking culture" and hoping to get 5 min of fame by performing like a stripper at an awards show (Miley, here's looking at you), this girl is standing firm for what she believes in and calling out society for exactly what it is. It's funny because when I started listening to her back in 2005 I was a freshman in high school. I can't begin to say how much she's opened my eyes to since then. It's funny because for some all it takes is something small to do so. And for me, it was the amazing music of this talented artist who not only mixed some of the most unique sounds -- but also sang about something ACTUALLY important.

Sometimes it's only 1 line from her songs that challenges me for an entire day to stop and think:

"Your shoes could feed a village; you should think about that."

I feel bad for people who even waste their time sucked into the music on the radio these days because the value of the lyrics they're listening to is quite frankly, garbage. [And hey, guilty as charged, I'm the last to talk because I'm sucked into it daily as well -- it's literally like a web you can't get out of. And half the time we're completely dazed as to how/why we even got there in the first place].

Of course, in no way am I saying we should buy into every conspiracy theory out there or become an anarchist by any means; those are way too extreme. What I AM saying is we should be challenged to do our own research daily and call things out when they need to be. Not sure where you stand politically? Do your research. Not sure if you agree with a certain war or why we're forming alliances w/ said nation -- research. Don't just go with the flow of what the media tells you is appropriate to believe. After all, the media is at the top of the hierarchical pyramid of institutions that are more censored and more biased than you would EVER think.

Not sure why I got on this rant and it's random of me to even go this deep into it on a random Wednesday morning, but hey, gotta keep it true. Once I start writing it just flows out like floodgates.

Happy hump day. Oh, and look for MIA's album released in early November :) meanwhile, half the track list has been leaked via soundcloud so take a listen.

#BrBa -- Breaking Bad: The Final Season

Finally. It's time. For those of you who have had to wait a year for this moment, I applaud you and congratulate you. For the rest of you who spent countless days marathon-ing the past 5 seasons and just jumped on the band wagon -- welcome.

Ladies and germs, this is it. Season 5B of Breaking Bad. As we know it, there are only 6 precious hours left of this gem of a show. As you can tell, I couldn't be more passionate about it. Apologies for chunking up both the premiere and episode 2 in one post, but truthfully, after the premiere I really had to take it all in.

Disclaimer: these weekly blog posts aren't going to be a summary of what you just watched. I won't insult your intelligence with bullet pointed wrap-ups. Instead, this is just my personal analysis, my thoughts as I went through the episode, and what I think is yet to come. Comments, critiques, and feedback are welcome, as some of you know these discussions are one of my favorite past-times.

Lets dive in -- so what I love most about this show (actually ONE thing I love because I would never be able to decide what I love most), is the fact that Vince Gilligan (creative genius), has his timeline so well constructed. There are so many shows that after the season finale, we jump ahead 3 months back in fall when the show starts up again. All the pent up tension, action, and build up from the finale dies down and we as an audience are forced to go with the flow and make up in our heads what went down in the past three months. The opposite is true for Breaking Bad (which instead of three months actually had us waiting a YEAR). Instead, we start off RIGHT where we left off. Yes, with Hank on the toilet. I'm not going to dive into the 3 minute flash forward segments before the opening credits because clearly those are a tease of what's yet to come. So lets hold off for now and stay in the present.

Moving forward -- oh, the subtleties! As soon as Hank walks out onto the patio, we hear Marie say to Walt, "You are the DEVIL!" It's writing like that, that I'm like okay you're amazing team. Can I be a part of you one day!?

Anyways, I think everyone who is a true BrBa was in shock at the speed with which the season is going. I honestly thought we would spend the majority of this season waiting for the ultimate Walt/Hank face off. What does Gilligan do? Holds the confrontation in the FIRST episode!! It only makes me think of what more there is to come. The sheer volume of emotion that last scene in the garage held.. I was speechless. They didn't have to say anything. Props to Dean Norris for his performance thus far. I think he's been heavily overlooked the past 5 seasons, and now I honestly would say he's stealing the show.

Moving on to my favorite subject -- Jesse. From season 1 (episode 2ish), Aaron Paul has stolen my heart. I think that Vince has done such a great job of allowing us as an audience to relate to these two characters. We both see a little of ourselves in both Walt and Jesse. So much so in fact that it has us rooting for the "bad guy" - Walt. But with Jesse I think it's a different story. As the moral compass of the show, he's gone up and down so much throughout the series. In the end, he still hasn't found himself. I think he's tried finding himself in his relationships most of  all. With Jane, with Walt, with children, or with Mike. Clearly he didn't find the acceptance from his parents so now it's all on these people. I think that's why he's gone off the deep end at this point in the series as well because Mike literally was that father-figure he sought after. He didn't really get it from Walt, and when he realized Mike's death was most likely Walt's doing, it set him off. I keep thinking back to this second episode that aired on Sunday and the scene that resonates most with me is the opening sequence before the credits. We see the man finding all the cash by his house and then Jesse -- spinning around on the playground fixture, no words spoken. You can SEE the confusion in his face, the hopelessness, the despair, and literally the defeat. He's over it. He's done. That scene gave me goosebumps. Aaron Paul said not ONE word in this past episode, yet his performance spoke most to me. That's how you know someone's an amazing actor and that the quality factor of the show is sub-par.

I'm glad we saw the return of Todd at the end of the episode. I don't care much for him at all but I'm excited that there's some action going on with this new crew (now that half of Madrigal's meth chefs are dead?) Side note, I have a major qualm with Lyida. "I don't want to look" -- bro, you just ordered and planned for the mass murder of these guys and you're too scared to walk up the ladder and see a few dead bodies? I'm sorry. You're either hard or you're not. Please don't play both cards.

Anyways. Another note. I absolutely LOVE the fact that they're not showing next episode previews this season. It's funny, growing up, any show I'd watch with my dad he'd leave before they showed next week's preview. I on the other hand would rewind and rewatch it 20X to make sure I got every segment down and knew what was coming. Call it the impatience in me. Now, I totally see where he was coming from. With Breaking Bad, I don't seek after ANY spoilers. This show is too good not to enough thoroughly. I want to savor the next 6 hours as much as I can.

With that, I apologize for the relatively short post as I usually have a ton more to say. But right now, I'm still processing. This show meets my expectations and then some. I honestly can't complain about one thing. Best of all for me? The writing. Honestly, it bugs me when people are fans of the show (or any show) just because of the action factor. To me, special effects and ongoing drama don't amount to much quality. It's the realism and writing that add substance. That's why this is my favorite show because of the level of genius that is the minds of these writers and creators. I pay a lot of close attention to dialogue and character development, so initially those are what I pay attention to right off the bat. This show blows me away. End.

More to come Monday (or Sunday night if I'm feeling wild). Feel free to sound off in comments, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading and I can't wait to see what's next in store.

-"AM I UNDER ARREST?!"

#justforfun

Today my cousin & I got super spontaneous and decided mid-day to head off for a beach day together. It was crazy that in mid-January, the weather was absolutely amazing! The sun was out, people were surfing on the waves, and we enjoyed sitting back, eating lunch together, overlooking the ocean. It was such a fun day and just allowed me to once again realize the power in spontaneity and being adventurous. Especially for us Californians, the beach is our backyard, yet I visit so seldom! The character of Capitola is absolutely precious -- every nook and cranny makes you feel like you're walking through a small European city. All mom& pop shops and natives! Of course my cousin is quite the up and coming photographer, so I had a ton of fun being her model for the day ;) All photo cred goes to : Sanna Nour Photography! I'm loving the new perspective I've been living out the past few weeks. I'm doing all I can to better myself, be my own best friend, and just figure things out. It's tough in your early 20's (who knew!?), but I'm getting the hang of it and I'm so motivated with the growth that God is doing in me. In every aspect there's a new lesson He's been revealing to me and it's finally now (after years) that I'm looking to grasp these lessons with a grain of salt & humility. Change is good.... the best is yet to come!

#newyear

Happy new year to all of you! Wow, I can't believe we're in our first week of 2013. I can honestly say that 2012 was the most fast paced year of my life. Not in the sense that so much was going on that it seemed to fly by -- because it was actually one of the slowest years but when I look back on it as a whole. But just as a year in itself, I can't believe how quick the year went by. To say the least, 2012 wasn't really my year. I went through a lot of transitions, both personally and just some major life changes. Some that not many people know about and others that allowed me to get even closer to my friends and family through them. All in all, it was like a drought season for me and I was so ready to enter into 2013. With this year, I already KNOW it's going to be great. I went into it anticipating the best and already I feel so refreshed and ready to tackle on some new beginnings.

2013 for me is going to my no-BS year. Everything I want to try, I'm going to go full force into without fear. Without fear of what man might think, without fear of failure, and without fear of the "what if." For so long I've lived with fear being a deciding factor for me. I look back and shake my head in disappointment at how much I have let others be a controlling force in my life. So often I've fallen into the peer pressure of what others might think; what if what I want to do isn't socially accepted? What if no one is down? What if I'm the only one? I'm so over caring and so over trying to fit into this mold of what "fun" is or what we are "supposed" to be doing in our 20's.

I saw a movie trailer today and in one scene these teens walk into a typical college "rager" and one guy turns to the other and says, "See, this is what fun looks like." With the most dazed and confused expression. I'm tired of turning to other people for them to define for me what fun looks like. 2013 is my year with no excuses. I'm doing what I want and what gives me the absolute joy and fulfillment. This year I want to learn guitar and sing along with it. This year I will start my graduate program getting my Master's degree in Psychology. This year I am going to get serious about getting in shape. This year I am going to write more. This year I want to obtain the full amount of self confidence possible and not let fear or intimidation be a hindrance anymore. This year I will be JOYFUL and an example to those around me. This year I will make sacrifices because I know the blessings that will follow.

Bring it. I'm ready.

pieces of me

Last night while I was cleaning out my closet I dove right into doing one of my favorite things; reading through my old journals and my old snail mail. I've kept every journal I've had since I was about 13-14 years old, as well as a big suitcase full of all my old cards from birthdays to "thinking-of-you's." I love going through my journals especially and either a) laugh at myself for the things I was worried about back then or b) check myself on the fact that I still am dealing with some of the same things that I need to break free from and address even now. It's funny because we will never stop going through tough times in life. Obviously, life isn't perfect and the world isn't a perfect place. I think sometimes we think we are entitled to that perfect life, free from the internal stress and worry that we so often allow to control our lives. But the reality is this: no, life isn't perfect, but through life's experiences we are given tools and keys to learn to break free and rise above. I think that's the beauty on being able to go back and reflect. I look and see so many areas where hard times were able to give me a new perspective; a new light was shed onto the issue. And there are also the times where I've looked back and I see that I'm still dealing with the same thing. It's in those areas that I realize I still need a new outlook; I still need to see why God's allowing this trial to persist. The trials are never to harm us or lead us to failure. Instead, they're areas where we can develop in our character and perseverance.

--This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote back in 2010. It's crazy that when I was reading this last night, I felt so many of the same emotions that I felt while I was writing this 2 years ago. To look back and be able to tell myself this now, especially while going through a similar season, is SUCH a breath of fresh air. * I apologize in advance for the one usage of profanity-- it should say "BS" instead of the actual word; I in no way want to condone cussing, but I wanted to be vulnerable and share this piece of me.*

#trust

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps" (Pro. 16:9)

--learning that trust means faith, and the opposite of faith is doubt and hopelessness. I don't want to get caught up in that mindset. No matter what the scenario or circumstance, I choose to proactively trust and place my faith in the Father who has already established my steps and where I'm headed.

edit: kudos X384 to Sabrina Ward Harrison who has been an inspiration of mine since I was 16. Because of her books, I have been so much more serious about making my dream of publishing my own journals a reality. Her art, using her words as well as her designs, has blown me away time after time. Sometimes it just seems like it's a one in a million type of person who gets the chance to do something like that, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?

#chromatics

freshly squeezed: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jBWfQ6C1qY&w=420&h=315]

The original is 17 minutes long, but just as worth it if you're looking for a new jam. Perfect song to get the day started.